Whatever Happened To Pontape

Intro: The main left-wing union of Portugal, Confederação Geral dos Trabalhadores Portugueses - Intersindical Nacional (CGTP-IN) made a call for a march on October 19th. The title was "Pontape / Ponte a pé", a wordplay of "give a kick / bridge on foot". The idea was to gather laborers from all over the country to Lisbon (and Porto, but that's not relevant here), arrange a meeting point on the other side of the Tagus river, then march through the bridge into Lisbon city.
CGTP-IN informed the local authorities about the protest. Municipalities announced that the bridge is not under their supervision. State authorities argued that they couldn't provide the security of the protestants. The CGTP-IN leadership denounced such claims, claiming the issue was "not a technical one anymore, but a political one".
Later on, CGTP-IN and the Ministry of Internal Affairs had a meeting, where both position were repeated. The next day, CGTP-IN leader Arménio Carlos made a press conference. He reported that the "march" will take place "inside the buses". This means, the protesters will gather at a certain location, then cross the bridge with the buses, and then come back again inside the buses, ending the demonstration in Alcântara.
The followings are inspired by the outrageously hilarious chickening-out of the CGTP-IN leadership, which created a dissent not only among the protesters but also among the medium-ranking officials of the union.

Did I ever tell you how it is very hard to find a country like Portugal, where all political organizations are right-wing when compared to the society?

***

I skimmed the CGTP discourse. I skimmed the annual budget.

I declare my full respect and support to government officials. At least they honestly represent someone's interests.

***

I will never forgive CGTP for ruining the first and only wordplay I managed to understand in Portuguese language. (Pontape / Ponte a pé)

***

Today in Turkey, tens of thousands of animals were slaughtered as sacrifies, as part of the Islamic festivities. The Bosphorus in Istanbul turned red.

In the meanwhile in Lisbon, a wordplay joke was slaughtered as a sacrify to the gods of bourgeois legality.

***

I propose that the Ministry of Interior Affairs forbids all kinds of protests. Then perhaps we'd gather, go and visit other cities to make protests.

As it is also practically forbidden in Spain, I propose Alexanderplatz, Berlin.

It's a lovely square.

***

I propose that from now on all the protests be held inside buses. It's safer, securer and more comfortable.

***

I'm a CGTP-skeptic. I don't believe in CGTP, but there is a force.

***

Protests in Lisbon have ontological difficulties. You never know if a protest exists, in which shape it exists, and whether one can observe its existence.

Agnosticism rules.

***

I am told that an average CGTP member pays 40€ in 3 months.

Until now, I made 8 jokes about Pontape (not counting Arménio's). This makes 4€ a piece.

I challenge myself to make it worth 3€ a piece.

I mean, I support the cause.

***

MEDIA BLACKOUT IN PORTUGAL

The other day I went to SEF (Immigration Office) and sat there for 4 hours. As the toilets were really dirty, I went out, more determined than ever.

As media suppressed my occupation, I got more radicalized and took a bus all the way from Marques de Pombal to Restauradores.

This action was also censored by the mainstream media. But I am determined and angry.

A luta continua !

***

ARE ROBOTS TAKING OVER IN PORTUGAL?

Nation got shocked to hear that buses' union will organize a demonstration in the 25th April Bridge this Saturday.


The spokesbus of Confederação Geral dos Transformers Portugueses (CGTP) made a press conference yesterday, announcing that buses will protest the new annual budget proposal on Saturday in Lisbon.

"The government is deliberately ignoring our demands. The word 'bus' does not appear a single time in the budget proposal. We decided to take action.", the spokesbus said.

Mercedes Benz, a very active member of the union, is tired of austerity measures. "Enough is enough!" says Benz, "We are one of the main consumers of oil. If the government does not listen to our demands, we will go further and make a strike." Benz emphasizes a common delusion and argues "They say it's people, but actually it is we who consumes oil. I've never seen a human eating oil. We have a real power coming from consumption."

"We noticed that we don't need people to make protests", comments the leader of the union's bus section, "Buses will do just fine. And they were coming to all the protests anyway." It notes that each human can bring at most one bus while each bus can bring up to 50 people to a demonstration. "Cars union declared its support to our event." says the leader.

It invited the Marxists to reevaluate their claim that only workers can produce surplus value and asked for solidarity from all the sectors of the society.

Ministry of Internal Affairs made an urgent call for a meeting with the Ministry of Education and Science. The government is planning to form a Futurists Committee to deal with the situation. "We don't even understand what they say", said the spokesperson of the Ministry, "All I hear is Ruummmmmm rummmmmmm rummmmm."

***

I walked around Lisbon today and saw the posters for the Oct 19th march. I realized that none of the posters imply that "human beings" are involved in the demonstration.

Stop complaining. CGTP was honest all the time.

***

If Turkey has flying revolutionaries, why shouldn't Portugal have invisible proletarians?

(Photo from May 1st, 2013. Istanbul)

***

Não há becos sem saída ! É possível que haja algumas pontes sem entrada...

***

There are two teams I wanted to take part in before I die. Monty Python, and CGTP text writing team. I'm sure they laugh the hell out of it while they produce new material.

"Com os pés sobre rodas marcharemos em protesto na ponte 25 de Abril" [taken from CGTP website]

I'm not laughing at you, CGTP administration, I'm laughing with you.