Anti-nostalgia

 A year ago, it was,

            that I met some old friends 

                    from highschool times.

Catching up with each others' lives,

            we recalled our shared past.

They

        were ecstatic.

How nice and cool and fun and relaxed and exciting

        everything was

                back then.

I couldn't.

*

 At any point in time,

            when I recall myself

                                        of a few years ago,

                I get embarrassed.

How arrogant,

        inconsiderate,

        rude,

        ignorant,

        self-entitled

                    I was

                    back then.

At any point in time,

            I get frustrated about my past self

        in a different way.

Which is perhaps the only way forward

But also:

        I have no nostalgia of the past

                as some "good old days".

*

 It is also, that,

        I am aware

        of how arrogant,

                    inconsiderate,

                    rude,

                    ignorant,

                    self-entitled

            I am probably now,

                    in brand new ways

                    that I shall discover soon

                                    - hopefully.