Tribute to Nonexisting Entities
You are unhappy, and almost totally aware of it. But you don't know what to do, and hence are trying to let it go.
It will not go.
As long as you insist on defining yourself with reference to the Givens, as long as you criticise your ethics using the Given types of criticism; you will Stay where you are. And a thing that Stays cannot exist.
I know how it feels. I know how it is when the question tries to let itself out. I know how it is when you hear the question before asking it. I know how scared you are. I know, still, how destructive it looks.
Look around. Do you see the question coming? Do you feel forced to ask the question? Do you feel like being Absolutely Alone, and Nothing at the same time?
I admit, some questions are irrelevant, or even unnecessary. Can you convince yourself that the question you are trying to avoid is one of those? Or are you trying to suppress an inevitable question?
This is not a recipe for anything, as it's not the gadfly's job to solve problems. This is the reminder of a question, which exists more and more each day you deny it. This is the reminder of the question.
I will never let you sleep; until I die, or you kill me, or rather, until you literally run away from me and hide yourself somewhere.
I am the physical entity of all the questions you are trying to escape. I am the Existence of all your problems that you were hoping to have erased.
I am not a mission. I am not a problem. I am almost nothing. I have a vague existence.
I pretend existent. I exist if and only if you exist and need my existence.